Like the rest of the world, I am mourning the loss of Maya Angelou.
Like many of us, as I read her biography, I am reminded of something that was very rarely shared: Maya Angelou started life as a prostitute and Madame in a brothel.
She never hid this information; in fact, she went to lengths to include it in her writing. However, it was often covered over, hidden by those who wanted to “pretty up” the truth. This was done with the best of intentions from the belief her past would somehow invalidate the amazing work she was doing in the present. They were afraid we would judge her.
Yet, her past was an integral part of the source she drew upon for every later piece of work. She could not have written I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and her other extraordinary works without fully claiming her entire history.
This is what so many of us — we heart and soul centered beings — are afraid to do when we go into business.
We are the wounded healers, the ones who have walked our own difficult journeys and have said, “I never want anyone to suffer the way I have.” Yet, we hide our wounding. We hide our secrets.
Because we are afraid of being judged. We are afraid the very “thing” that creates the juice for what we want to bring to the world will be our ultimate downfall. However, when we hide our secrets, we end up using so much energy to hide that we never allow ourselves to step fully into the light.
I’ve had a small voice in the back of my head for the last few months telling me the reason I’m experiencing a slower than usual stream of business lately is because I’m putting too much energy towards my own secret.
I have so much to share with you all. I’ve been spending the last three months in connection with the Soul Language grid and hearing from each language the special talent and the typical blocks that the language carries in regards to money.
It has been life changing for me and I’m hearing wonderful responses from those who I’ve shared the information with. However, I’m dragging my heels on getting the information out to the rest of the world.
I made it about something external — my oldest daughter is home from college. My husband has been traveling an insane amount. Ya da, ya da, ya da.
Excuses. Every. Last. One.
I’m terrified to put out the most important work I’ve done related to money because I’m scared. I’m scared I’m not enough because of the secret I’ve been carrying in regards to my own history with money.
And it’s time to let it out.
I’ve ridden the rollercoaster with money. In the space of five years I went from being told by our financial advisor that if we simply stayed with the way we were saving and investing, we’d have more than enough money to do anything we wanted… to bankruptcy.
There’s the nasty little secret. Who the #$#^ am I to talk about money if I have a history of bankruptcy? I can’t tell you the number of people I’ve spoken to who have horrible, horrible things to say about “people like me.” And for the longest time, I believed them because they were simply echoing what I thought about myself.
I could give you all the reasons — my husband’s two extensive layoffs, completely draining our 401Ks before asking for help, surgeries, and medical testing without insurance — but those aren’t the real reasons for the bankruptcy.
The real reason? At that time, I had a completely unconscious relationship with money. I never wanted anyone to love me for my money; I wanted to be loved for who I was first. So I pushed money away (this, by the way, is a typical block for those people carrying the Soul Language of Capitalist, which I do).
As I have healed my story, I have learned how to heal my relationship with money. I have learned to have a conscious, loving relationship with money. Better said, I am continuing to learn on a daily basis how to be in an even more conscious, loving relationship with money.
Could I have made different (better) choices, so I wouldn’t have had to go through bankruptcy? Absolutely. Does it mean I’m not enough to talk with others about money? Absolutely not.
I now know and fully accept this experience as part of my core work, so I can be more fully of service to the world. The last part of this for me is to share it. I don’t think all secrets need to be shared quite so publicly, but this was what was right for me.
What secrets are you harboring that pull your energy away from the work you are meant to do on the planet? What secrets are you using as your excuse to stay small for fear of judgment?
When you allow yourself full acceptance of who you are today, and who you have been in the past, you are now living wide open, from that place of complete connection to your own divinity, purpose, and mission on this planet. Get ready for the fireworks!
Will you be judged? Perhaps. I’m certain I’ll lose a few “followers” by sharing my secret. Yet, I can feel my heart wide open, I can feel the lightness which surrounds me and I know the best is yet to come.
Won’t you join me here in the light?
Jennifer Bloome is the Fertile Business Midwife. Jennifer helps people identify and heal the blocks that are keeping them from the prosperous, fertile, Soul-satisfying life and business they desire. Ready to transform? Visit JenniferBloome.com to set up your complimentary Belief Discovery Session to begin to identify and heal your personal blocks that are keeping you from your own prosperous life.