Releasing what isn’t mine – Day 9

I picked a really great time to play with ‘feeling good’ (my 30 day experience of shifting emotions).  Glacier National Park is an easy  place to feel good.  I am traveling with my children and parents for two weeks; and after 3 days here, I already feel completely disconnected from all stressors and daily life.

This makes my emotional experince today all the more intriguing to me.

After a day of beautiful sight seeing and hiking, I felt a strong wave of sadness.  Truly deep sadness that feels as if there is no bottom. 

My first reaction was, “I shouldn’t be feeling this.  I’m having a fabulous day, I am seeing beautiful sites, what’s wrong with me?”. 

Judgement, plain and simple.  Hmm, that’s an interesting response, I thought.

So, I sat with it for a while.  What I came to realize is this: this sadness isn’t mine.  I am not sure who’s it is, but it is not mine; being highly kinesthetic and intuitive and I tend to pick up a lot of other people’s ‘stuff’.

Here in this beautiful place, surrounded by glorious scenery, tapped into the energy of the mountains and the flowing water, it is easier for me to feel my own energy than when I am in the middle of my day to day life and caring for clients. 

As I sit here writing this post, I can feel my Self at my core, at peace and relaxed.  And then there is this dark terror that feels as if it is sitting directly in my solar plexus.  I have to keep reminding myself that this sadness is not mine, that I don’t need to follow it down the rabbit hole of “figuring it out.”  I can’t figure it out, it’s not my sadness.

Instead, I breathe out compassion and love to whomever is connected to this sadness.  I understand the dark place of sadness so deep that you don’t think that you’ll ever touch bottom.  And then I ever so gently send the sadness deep within this glorious space of Mother Earth I am in, gently dislodging the terror in my belly as I continue to breathe out love and compassion.

There’s a part of me that wants to make sure that whomever is on the other end of this sadness is “okay.”  I’m beginning to realize how many of my internal resources are used on a regular basis — without even being aware of it — to help those who’s emotions I pick up on.

This is a recipie for exhaustion, another emotion / feeling that I am very familiar with.

This isn’t my job.  I do no good for others when I am exhausted.

As I continue to breathe out compassion and love, and gently dislodge the remaining emotion, I appreciate the gift of this deep, dark sadness that feels like it has no bottom. 

I hear the message and I am ready to listen.

Comments

  1. Thank you. x

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