Do You Pre-suffer?

Do you find yourself caught up in a web of what if’s? What if this program doesn’t work? What if nobody signs up for my services? What if I’m alone for the rest of my life? What if I pick this niche and then I find it boring? Is this the right strategy, what if it isn’t? Did I make the right choice? If I can’t change the amount of money coming in, life is going to get really tough. What if they don’t like me?

I have a term for this: Pre-suffering.

Not only do we find ourselves asking the questions, we get spun up into the emotions of the “what if” result. All the worry. The fear. The disappointment. The sadness. In that moment, before anything has happened, we suffer as if it has.

We say it’s because we need to create a plan. Just in case. We have good reasons. Part of our brain says: “If I worry, I’ll be protected. My heart will be protected.”

Except that’s just an un-truth we say to ourselves over and over.

What it is, is:

Death by a thousand daily cuts.

Suffering before anything ever happens.

Laying the energetic path of what you don’t want.

So why, why do we do it? Habit. False understanding. Disconnection from our true selves and from our Source. Fear.

The results? More of the same situation happens. We end up with what we don’t want and then we get to say, “See, I KNEW this was going to happen.” It keeps us replaying in the same small playground we’ve always been in. Ego is happy because we’re safe (for the time being).

And yet, this isn’t what we want. We know we are here to bring our gifts and talents to the world in a much bigger way.

Am I saying that you should never consider consequences or different outcomes? Certainly not. What I am suggesting, if you are willing to play with me on this topic, is to begin to notice when you are pre-suffering, so you can shift in the moment and allow yourself to expand in amazing ways.

First step is to become aware. My oldest daughter and I have had many long conversations about this topic and she will be sharing something with me and she’ll stop and say, “Hmmmm, I’m pre-suffering again!” She’ll call me on my pre-suffering as well.

Once you notice, you get to make a conscious choice: Do I choose to continue to suffer in this moment or refocus on what I want? If you choose to refocus, stop, take a breath, and ask yourself, “What do I really want? What does my expanded, Divine Self, want me to focus on?”

If you want to take it a step deeper, start asking yourself some questions:

What is my story about not receiving what I want? What do I think that means about me? What does receiving what I want prove about me? What does not receiving what I want disprove?

Finally, let me introduce a new term: pre-joying. What if instead of pre-suffering, we pre-joyed? Not sure if that second term will catch on, but I think you catch my drift.

How would life change for you if you expected joy?

Jennifer Bloome is the Fertile Business Midwife. Jennifer helps people identify and heal the blocks that are keeping them from the prosperous, fertile, Soul-satisfying life and business they desire. Ready to transform? Visit to set up your complimentary Belief Discovery Session to begin to identify and heal your personal blocks that are keeping you from your own prosperous life.


  1. wonderful post and concepts, Jennifer! I definitely pre-suffer, though your brilliant term is new to me. In one of my groups, they call it “the wreckage of the future.” I commit here and now to reframing as much as possible to pre-joy! thanks for all your wonderful work.

Share Your Thoughts and Leave Us a Comment